Damien W.

The Balance

My wife and I got married when we were 20 and 21 years old. We’re now in our early 40s. Our kids were born relatively early on, and we’re now considered the younger parents amongst their peers. At times, I feel really close to them and can relate on many different levels, but then, there are times when nothing seems to make sense to any of us.

My wife and I are going through a weird season in our lives right now. Our daughter is in her sophomore year of college, and our son in his freshman year of high school. But, professionally, we’re both at the best place we’ve ever been. The struggle is that our daughter never got the same experiences her brother gets now. My son gets a little too much on his end, which leads to a somewhat entitled position in life. And I feel guilty because, sometimes, I try to overcompensate with different things.

Growing up the way my wife and I did, I wanted to give my kids more than what we had – stuff, experiences, opportunities, etc. But, as I sit and think about it, those things that I missed out on brought me to who I am today… a not-too-bad-kind of guy. The real struggle, however, is trying to find the balance between withholding and giving, and letting the process take its course in their lives. By me withholding things, it doesn’t make them better necessarily, nor does me giving them things without a filter makes a difference. It’s a balance I’m trying to achieve.

The balance, if there is such a thing, is taking my kids through each step; talking to them about decisions, and the mindset behind each action I take. They are certainly old enough to understand most things, and if not, then we talk it through. Sometimes, as should be expected, we don’t see eye to eye, and that’s okay; feelings get hurt, thoughts will run through your mind, and words will be second-guessed.

At the end of the day, our job, our sole job, is to try to make our kids better than who we are. We should try to give them more than we had, but with better understanding and responsibility. We should try to let them experience more things, but with better appreciation. We should try to let them attain more in life, but with a heart for sharing and giving. If our kids are not better people than we are, then we have failed, not only them but for society and the community we live in. By trying to make them better people, we also work on ourselves in the process.

Cheers - all the best to you dads out there.

— Damien W.

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