Daniel Z.

Wow! What an Experience

My Journey so far…

Who knew my journey into fatherhood would start when I was 16 years old. These events occurred when I played football in high school. One day in October, I walked hand in hand with my mom into the doctor’s office where I found out I had cancer. I know, this is probably not what you were expecting me to say. This ended up triggering a series of events that have affected every moment of my life after that. Time seemed so much more important, then. Friday nights were no longer spent uselessly, nor did I waste time with those who were not going to be there for me.

Here is a little background of my family before I go any further. Both of my parents were born and raised Catholic, I was raised Catholic as well. They also came from big families. Both of my parents were 1 of 8 children, and as I grew up, we had family all around us and our holidays were amazing. I have an older brother and an older sister. Being the baby of the family, certainly had its perks. Our lifestyles were very much blue-collar. Both of my parents worked to make ends meet, therefore, as a kid, I never worried about a meal or a roof over my head. My father worked hard his entire life to make sure none of us felt what it was like to be without the basic necessities. This was my first lesson in life, and he was a good example of a man and a father.

I am very blessed to have grown up in a loving home with both parents. I know that’s not always the case, but they gave me what I now realize to be a good understanding of being a husband, a father, and a partner.

At 16 years old, my cancer diagnosis came with several years of treatment; chemotherapy and heavy doses of steroids. Because of chemotherapy, I was told I may have trouble conceiving a child. Hearing this, and being the family-oriented person I am, hurt me a lot. To not be able to have children would crush me. All I wanted when I grew up was a large family to provide for and to see them grow up. Little did they know….

During my treatment, I attended a camp for kids with cancer, called “Camp Sunshine.” It was one of the most amazing places in the world. They helped me and my mom, and my entire family deals with what was going on. This was when I met my wife and the amazing mother of my children. Little did we know, some events turned out to be so pivotal in our lives. You really just don’t know what's around the corner.

I am proud to say, I have been incredibly happily married for more than nine years and I have four beautiful children: three girls and a baby boy. They are 7 ½, six, three and my son just turned one in August. As I think back to what has led me here, I remember the look on my father’s face when I first told him we were having a child. His face lit up and he smiled bigger than I had ever seen him smile. He never once mentioned money or plans, he just smiled. His love for family taught me just how precious family is, and to always cherish it.

When I talk about being a good husband and father, it's only possible because I married an amazing woman who empowers me to be just as amazing to her and our children. My wife, Michelle, and I talked and discussed family and future plans very early on in our relationship. Marriage, children, and growing old together were frequent topics of discussion. I joke with her about it now. I would say, “You just can’t help yourself talking about children, can you?” Then she promptly reminds me with a little grin, “Hey! You said I Love You First.” I laugh, and I think, “Yes, yes, I did.”

It’s funny, in reference to my having four kids, I hear people say, “Oh my, you must’ve been bad when you were younger?” I wonder… “What does that even mean?” I feel as though they don’t know me, and yet, they would say something that judgmental. But, I shrug it off as a common phrase.

I remember when we first found out we were having a girl. My world froze and then all of a sudden, it was going a million miles per second. I felt like I skipped right to the preparation and logistics of everything. My wife was always in love with our unborn child. From the moment the test was positive, she was all in.

Now, this is important for everyone out there…. I love all of my children, with all of my heart, and I was always excited and happy when we found out we were pregnant. However, on the inside, it always felt like this swirling buildup of emotions until that moment I first held them in my arms. Unlike our partners, we don’t get to make a physical bond while they are in the womb.

I still remember the moment I first held Zoe (my oldest) in my arms. She was sleeping and then, she gently woke up. As her eyes opened, I felt like she stared into me and took me as I am. I felt I was her world and she was mine, and since then, I’ve always had a good connection with our children. Each moment was just as precious and as different than the next.

As I travel along, there is much for me to learn. For example, all my children are different, no matter how much I try to think they are not; they have their own individuality. They act differently and think differently and have different personalities, so, I had to learn to be okay with it and learn to navigate through it. Having my son Daniel, I couldn’t wait to see him develop into his own personality. Being our only boy, things are already a little different. Cleaning everywhere feels like a big deal, and I am still coming to terms with potting training a boy.

For now, I make sure to encourage my children and I make sure they know they are loved. However, It gets crazy around here. I’m not going to lie, some nights it takes all I have just to remain patient and to constantly remind myself, they are only seven, six, and three. I think there are moments every parent has when he/she is just done for the day. Sometimes, I can’t wait for bedtime, so I can have a moment to reset. I tell my wife every time this happens, she needs to be aware of it and just try to do her best, and I will try to do mine I’ll tell you all a secret…. “It’s a lot easier said than done.”

But even in those moments, the time is precious. The moments we have in our lives are too far and few in between to get wound up in the small things. I think back to the way my father made me feel growing up, and I hope that I can do the same for my children. I hope to instill in them the same values and beliefs I had, and I pray that it helps them just as much as it has helped me.

— Daniel Z

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