Anonymous Dad

Separated & Reunited

Divorced dad/daughter and its challenges

The name Ayanna, which means beautiful flower, was given to my daughter by her mother and me with the approval of her grandmother when she arrived in August, 1997. She has such a beautiful and authentic spirit, though she came into this world with struggle and complications. She was a breached and the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, therefore a cesarean section had to be performed. Because of that, she was our miracle baby. I remember seeing her eyes open for the first time as I held her in my arms and whispered her name in her ear.

I had a son prior to having my daughter and was used to the whole fatherhood thing, so having a daughter kind of completed the circle for me. As time went on and she grew, we learned how infectious her laugh was. She made us laugh because she was very comical, which brought smiles to our faces. She also had an innate ability to absorb information. I remember her being jealous at the tender age of three and telling anyone who tried to hug me that I was her dad as she pushed their arms away. Unfortunately, it is also at that exact age her mother and I were having marital issues and we decided to divorce.

# Divorced dad.

The drying period.

One of the hardest things to do when you have a child and want to be fully involved in their life is to accept the fact that mom and dad’s relationship might not work out, although we tried with all of our might. It became almost impossible for me to see my daughter because of how her mother was handling the split (one that she initiated). For example, her mother moved from place to place without telling me where she had moved. The divorce decree stated that the custodial parent (which was her) had to make me (the non-custodial parent) fully aware of all available records of her whereabouts, not limited to school, medical records, etc.

My daughter and I had a strained relationship because she thought that it was my decision to leave her mother and abandon her. I had to come up with ingenious ways to see my daughter; I would see her at the schools she attended after finding out where she was. The struggle to see my child was so disheartening that every day was a challenge not to snap, but by the grace of God, good family and friends, I managed. I worked, took care of myself, paid my child support, which was 700 a month at that time for one child. I did all of this knowing that one day my child would come to me. But, I also knew she would be damaged from experiences no child should endure.

# Reunited

My daughter and I reunited about two years ago after completely losing contact for a long time. We talked and she had some choice words for me and her mom about how she felt, which was understandable. I knew it was coming and over the years, I prepared myself for it. My love for my daughter never swayed and I told her that. I showed her that I celebrated her birthday every year without fail; I showed her documentation that I paid almost 80,00 in child support over the years. It surprised her because she was told that I only paid $200 a month for 19 years.

We missed so much of each other, and we recognized that even in the darkness, we found a light that shines on us. She has so many of my traits, characteristics, talents, and gifts and she is a joy to be around. There are so many challenges in trying to raise a child of divorce, but at the end of the day, I'm glad I never gave up and I allowed her to feel my love. She's still my little girl, and she never stopped calling me dad.

Thank you for reading my short story.

— Anonymous Dad

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